I Got Called “Fat”
In my early 20’s I got called “fat” by a random guy while my girlfriends and I were out one night.
It was the first time I’d ever really thought of myself as such.
I will never forget that moment and how it made me feel. It felt like someone had punched me in the gut. I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. What I’d been trying to ignore for the past few years was now in front of my face. I knew I had gained weight, but is that how people saw me?? I was embarrassed.
I wish I could say that at that moment something clicked. That I decided to lose the weight right then and there. But that didn’t happen. Maybe I thought I was too far gone. Maybe I didn’t believe I could. Maybe I was still in denial.
Whatever it was, those hurtful words weren’t enough to change me, to light that fire under my ass. The only thing that ever worked for me came after I accepted what I’d done to myself.
Repeat that word with me… accepted.
All the other times I’d tried (and I use that term loosely) to lose weight, it never stuck. WHY? I truly believe that’s because I was still angry.
Angry that I’d let it get that far. Angry that I had to put so much effort into something I didn’t feel like I should. Angry that it seemed like everyone around me didn’t have to do anything and could look like supermodels. Angry because it just wasn’t fair. Angry.
Angry At Myself
It took me hitting a rock bottom, then ACCEPTING what I’d done to myself and NOT being so damn angry anymore to be able to move forward.
I think that’s why a lot of us have a problem losing weight. We are pissed off that we have to do it. We don’t think we should have to try so hard and we’re resentful toward others who make it look so easy. I know. I have felt that way. Time and time again. I have tried every fad diet out there. I have bought weight loss pills, tried starving myself, you name it. And every time I failed. Because I still had anger and resentment. Because I was still pissed off at myself for getting to a place I didn’t know how I was going to get out of. Because deep down, I knew IIIII had done this. No one else. It was me. How could I have let it get so out of control? How could I overlook sign after sign, bigger size after bigger size? I was so very upset with ME. And that anger and resentment I had built up inside me caused much more damage than I ever thought possible.
It affected my relationships, my self esteem, and my general mood.
I was no longer a happy person.
I was mad and hateful all the time. I was judgmental and unpleasant to be around. That is a dangerous path to be on. The good news is, you CAN come back from that. It’s hard, yes, but it’s possible.
Making a lifestyle change is never easy. No matter the circumstances or what you’re changing. But I’m here to tell you, once you accept that it’s not going to be easy, that it sucks but that’s life, and that YOU are the only one that can change it, it all becomes so much more attainable.
That negativity you felt before will be replaced with happiness and determination.
And when those two things collide, amazing things begin to happen.
“What you deny or ignore, you delay.
What you accept and face, you conquer.”